BEWARE! Before reading this, be warned that It is the most horrific story in the history of gothic literature. Move all children out of the room… or else! (We are armed with an army) But before we begin threatening you, we want to tell you a story. The story starts like this…
On a dark and stormy night, little Molly and her mom were coming home from the movies. They had just seen “My Little Pony Meets Care Bears the Movie”, and were deeply freaked. “I didn’t know that evil care bears could attack beautiful pony princesses!” said Molly, who until hearing the words ‘and now… your feature presentation!’ had been an innocent little girl. “I’m gonna have nightmares tonight” said mom.
When they got home, dad was waiting with a present. “Here, my little beautiful girl, I got you the only CARE BEAR in the world that you don’t own.” said dad. “AHHH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FATHER?!?! HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT HAPPENED AT THE MOVIE THEATRE EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE NO WAY OF CONTACTING YOU!!!!! I’M GONNA GO THROW THE $3 BILLION WORTH OF CARE BEARS OUT NOW.” shrieked Molly. “Richard! Those things are SCARY!” said mom. “Get it out! You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”
Later, on the couch, dad heard a rustling noise. He went to check it out, armed with a rifle; if things got to that point. Guess what he saw? A CARE BEAR!!! “How are you alive?!?!” said dad. “It’s dark and stormy; lightning hit the pile of unwanted care bears, and we all came to life.” the care bear shrugged. “You mean there are other living stuffed bears?” asked dad. “Yep” said the care bear. “I don’t want to live in a world with colorful bears walking around. Goodbye, cruel world.” The dad then shot himself.
The care bear then used his magical mind powers to turn the dad’s corpse into worms that held his shape, just like the ones in the movie did. At that moment, Molly came downstairs. She shrieked at the sight of the care bear. Then, she saw her dad on the floor. She ran to him, and hugged him; and then realized she was hugging a bunch of worms. “DAD!” she screamed. “Dad. You’re dead! I swear on my life I will get revenge on all care bears.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.” Said the care bear. “No! I mean it.” Said Molly. “I’ll use my little ponies, like they did in the movie. The pony princesses are more powerful than the evil care bears.” Molly went back to bed to find that her mom was in the same situation as her dad.
20 YEARS LATER
Molly is now 27; she was still haunted by her real parents and still hated care bears. Molly had been raised by foster parents. She hated care bears because they had killed her parents. She now owned a factory (paid for by her foster parents) and it made little plastic ponies. She got frustrated because none of them came to life. When Molly was seven, this company had captured all the living care bears. At the moment, they are in a cage within the building.
The company’s mission was to fight the care bears with the ponies in hope that the ponies would emerge victorious. But so far, they hadn’t been able to get any of the plastic ponies to come to life. Molly got frustrated, and threw all the ponies outside. Lightning hit them, even though it was in the middle of a sunny day in August; and they came to life.
Now they were on their way to becoming great Samurai warriors. All they had to do now is walk along gravel without making a sound, and then be able to walk on ceilings. Maybe they’ll be able to use the sword thingies.